I am both idealist and realist. For there is no point in ideals if they cannot be realised.
Jacob (Jake) Barrie Gordon

Jake Gordon

Travelling Budderinos

4 July 2003

Due to public demand, Jake’s comprehensive guide of life-enhancing tips:

Part 1 – Lunging: The process of lunging is a fine art, which takes gurus in the Himalyan mountains years to master. However, for mere mortals, the most important key lies in the groundwork. Sufficient groundwork will ensure that the lungerino (that is to say, the one to which a lunge is directed) is expecting the lunge, and is open and willing to receive it. As a matter of mere scientific experimentation, I have recently and purposefully attempted a lunge without sufficient groundwork. Needless to say, the hypothesis was correct, and it failed. The moral? Remember the goundwork, children.

Future life-ehancing tips include ‘How To Ruin 3 Toilets In One Night’ and ‘Sun Burning For Beginners’. Failure to understand what the hell I’m talking about is probably a good thing.

Oh, and I’m currently being forced at knife point to mention a few of my travelling budderinos. Big up the West end massive, and in particular Sophie ‘up for it’ Jane Austin and Laura ‘very cheap’ Heatty Price. Oh and Marcus Magnus Magnuson, Anna ‘burnt bottom’, Ciera (if only I could spell), Adam and other whacky individuals who I’ve met over the past few days.


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